Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Sexy Is as Sexy Does

The ConCLAYve: Sex, Sexy and Sex on a Stick

The ConCLAYve's latest blog, linked above, has made me think about how the characteristic of being "sexy" is so very subjective. Many people, even some fans, just don't see in Clay what so many other of his fans do see.

Even Clay himself doesn't see it, often saying "I don't get it, I just don't get it!" I think he's starting to get it though, don't you?

Well, here's one Claymate's opinion.

While research proves there is power in physical "attractiveness," the art of being sexy is not solely about the physical attributes of a person. Or, the wardrobe choices of a masterful stylist. Or a hot new haircut, for that matter. Neither is it about broad shoulders, long legs, smoldering looks, or a nice backside.

OK, maybe a little bit.

To this Claymate however, sexiness is a more abstract concept.

Here's what is sexy to me. A person who looks you straight in the eye - inordinately sexy.

Approachability. By this, I don't mean invading someone's personal boundaries, but rather, a person with which you feel you could have a fun conversation, someone who would make you feel comfortable. A man who imparts warmth and compassion for others, especially others less fortunate, is very sexy.

Intelligence, or at least awareness of what's going on in the world; a person who can challenge me, provide stimulating conversation, and, even debate a little bit - that's very pleasing. Maybe he's a little competitive, but not annoyingly so.

Remember that "really nice guy," with a "great personality" your friends always wanted you to meet? Remember how that usually meant a guy that may be lacking a little in the "looks" department? Well, I usually liked those guys. Because they were nice, and they did have a great personality.

There is nothing worse than meeting a guy whose very visage makes your insides twingle, then finding out he is dumber than a stick. Trust me, I dated those guys. And, I've learned from friends who are fortunate enough to have those wonderful, long, happy marriages, the wisdom of marrying a man who is kind, thoughtful, and compassionate, and who gives good conversation.

Creative, artistic people are often moody, awkward, and come off as tongue tied misfits when in public situations. Some are dumber than a piece of cardboard. So believe me when I say: personality is paramount!

Speaking of compassion, there is nothing sexier than a man who thinks of others before himself, who has an innate desire, a need even, to do good deeds, to help others. Heart achingly sexy.

A great sense of humor is important, and any man who makes me laugh is someone I'm automatically drawn to. A man who often laughs at himself, even better. And a man who is ticklish? Well, just imagine the possibilities.

Talent. A person who is confident in their talent is incredibly attractive, but arrogance...not so much. There is a big difference. Every one of us has a talent of some type. It may be in sculpting, drawing, dancing, or singing. For some of us, our talent is less obvious. One of the sexiest men I ever knew was once my best friend. His talent was in being a friend. Whatever the gift, in yourself, or in others; find it, embrace it, and most of all, respect it. That's sexy.

But when all is said and done, the sexiest man on earth to me is one who keeps his heart open when it comes to receiving love, and keeps his mind open when it comes to giving love.

Really, it's not too much to ask - is it?

touchstone (n) a basis for comparison; a reference point against which other things can be evaluated

©touchstone 2006


laljeterfan said...

Thanks for your insightful commentary on what is truly sexy in a man. When I started watching Clay on AI, I was attracted first to his voice, then his self-deprecating sense of humor,(the thing about his ears!),and by the time they showed his bio and he spoke about "making a difference" in kids lives, I was hooked. Every bit of himself that he showed to us after that;his quick wit, his humbleness, his care and concern for the other contestants,etc, just endeared him to me even more.After the show ended, I couldn't get him out of my mind, finally telling my best friend, "I think I have a crush on Clay!" She agreed that he was adorable, and then I uttered the infamous words, "But I don't think of him in a sexual way." That night, however, I thought of him as usual-and realized that everything that I adored about him made him VERY SEXY indeed!
Most Clay fans have seen the recent People magazine "100 sexy men in 1 minute" video on their website, which includes Clay. While there may be many men in there who would be considered conventionally good looking, NONE of them inspire the feelings in me that Clay does- he is truly one of a kind- and THAT is SEXY!
Love your blog!!

The ConCLAYve-Nan said...

Great blog - and agree with it completely. I've been married for many years and still find my husband incredibly sexy. Why? Well - all the obvious answers fro sure. But most importantly, he makes me laugh and he's never boring. Oh . . . and of course, he's a Clay Aiken fan.

PS Thanks for the blog link!

Jennifer said...

Sexy is a man who is HOT but doesn't even know it.

Clay's voice is sexy - on his new CD, his voice makes me melt.

Among other things. ; )